Kindness as a Defense

While I am working my graveyard shift at a porn store/arcade, I am unflinchingly nice to people. It’s a mode that I go into instantly at work and I am very glad for it.

By being disproportionately friendly, I am setting up defenses around my self and my store. I am also trying to manipulate customers into being reasonable with me.

Customers can be the enemy at my job. They range from nuisances to health hazards, and possess the capacity for violence as any person does. Customers, in their ire, laziness, or illness, have left all sorts of body fluids in the arcade and bathroom. And, I am in a vulnerable position alone in the dark of a divided road in my island of dildoes and neon signs.

So, I am cheery and helpful and kind. I greet everyone and make small talk. I do this in order to remind the customers that someone is watching them. When I am attentive, I am being alert for my safety. I am also hoping that they will be fond of me enough to feel too guilty to come on the screens or shit in the urinal. I’m hoping they will feel compelled to “take it easy” on the night guy and treat me like a person. If I am endlessly nice, I hope to break through many customers’ shells of shame and distraction.

I am kind, because it behooves me to be kind.


What’s this blog for?

So, what is this blog for anyways?

I made this blog to spread my interests and experiences with the world. As an avid fan of experiential exploration and ecstatic states, there will be a lot about sex, BDSM, and spirituality. Expect sex toy product reviews, some sex ed, and general reflections from me.


Enjoy! More content to follow, of course!

Tarot for Relfection: ATU XIII DEATH

ATU XIII DEATH The Child of the Great Transformers The Lord of the Gate of Death Mars rules — Pluto exalted Tiphareth — Netzach

“The Universe is Change; every Change is the effect of an Act of Love; all Acts of Love contain Pure Joy. Die daily!

“Death is the apex of one curve of the snake Life: behold all opposites as necessary complements, and rejoice.”

“The lowest [aspect of Scorpio in Death] is symbolized by the Scorpion, which was supposed by observers of Nature to commit suicide when finding itself ringed with fire, or otherwise in a desperate situation. This represents putrefaction in it’s lowest form. The strain of the environment has become intolerable, and the attacked element willingly subjects itself to change.”

The middle aspect of Scorpio, Crowley explains, is represented as a serpent. “The serpent is sacred, Lord of Life and Death, and its method of progression suggests the rhythmical undulation of those twin phases of life which we call respectively life and death.

“The highest aspect of the card is the Eagle, which represents exaltation above solid matter.”

Quotations from DuQuette’s Understanding Aleister Crowley’s Thoth Tarot pp. 131-2

The nature of death is change without glory. As with putrefaction, the change of death completely breaks down one’s self, bringing one into a state of fertility through degradation. The process of death is one’s life is not necessarily painful, but there is strength to painful death when taken as a lesson. Death is undeniable and should be embraced. Death is never an ending.